Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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