her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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