break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
