i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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