ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
