Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
