I'm eating all of the evidence.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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