just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
