Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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