I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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