Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
