that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
