he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
