At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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