She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
