dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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