I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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