Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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