went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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