i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am one with the molecules
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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