I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
