In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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