i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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