Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
