I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
