Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
