I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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