soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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