Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
