As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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