hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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