I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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