Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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