Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
