Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize