is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
