He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize