I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
