Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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