is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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