You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
