you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
