my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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