Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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