4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
