I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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