There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
