My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
