I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
