We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
