Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
