Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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