She said her name was "party"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
