the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
