Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
