Please, let me fuck your mom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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