he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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