Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
