I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
