my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
