why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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